Variety-speak

If you’ve read a movie review in Variety, then you are familiar with its clipped, hipster-speak. For example, here’s today’s review for “Underworld: Rise of the Lycans”:

Auds are encouraged to cheer the werewolves in “Underworld: Rise of the Lycans,” the third chapter in the ongoing franchise about a centuries-long battle between bloodsuckers and shape-shifters. Taking over the directorial reins from Len Wiseman, who remains onboard as a producer, first-time helmer Patrick Tatopoulos (who designed creatures for all three pics) offers a satisfyingly exciting monster rally that often plays like a period swashbuckler. Notably less frenetic (and appreciably more coherent) than its predecessors, new entry should scare up OK returns during its theatrical run before making a killing on homevid.

Auds? Helmer? Actually, I think I could remove a third of the words in the paragraph and you’d still get the gist. Hollywood is cool. I wish I was there making lots of money. Fuckers.