Tag Archives: Obama

Earth, Wind & Fire at the WH this weekend!

Just heard it on Rachel Maddow. As she said, this ain’t the Bush White House anymore. I’m Dolemite muthafucka!

Posted By: Robert

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Poorly Researched Weekend Round-Up

  • Illinois Senator Roland Burris, who was appointed by scandal embroiled/ousted Governor/hair-o-phile Rod Blagojevich, got all defensive about why he didn’t tell people about how he talked all day like a teenage girl on the phone to Blago’s friends about how much he liked Senatorship and how it wasn’t a lie not to tell them, by omission. He did this because the FBI is about to release tapes of him talking all day to everybody Rod Blagojevich ever met, basically.
  • Failed Republican Presidential candidate and all around wife leaving Maverick John McCain shocked the nation when he toed the Republican party line this weekend and said President Barack Obama, a Democrat, has been a huge disappointment so far. As usual, CNN does the legwork for your faithful co-editor.
  • Various witnesses remarked with ridiculous surprise at how violent plane crashes are. Then the NTSB used black boxes to back that up.
  • Our nations President, who has been black for some time now, took an Illinois lawmaker on a trip to Illinois, because it was on the way, no pressure, and the Illinois lawmaker spilled his guts about the whole deal. This is the second time a honky has burned President Obama after a trip in his pimp ass ride.
  • And finally, this is for you dear readers, to enjoy as a Valentine from the staff of Daily Suffering. It requires a great deal of hard liqour to even… Just read it please.

 

Posted By: Doug L Y

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Sheriff closing in on Michael Phelps, weed fiend

Also great for tailgate parties.

Also great for tailgate parties.

Sheriff Leon Lott (see above) of Richland County, South Carolina, so far has arrested eight people who attended the party where someone photographed Phelps taking a bong hit. Lott’s department says they are going after Phelps because they don’t want to give him a pass due to his celebrity. If they received a photo of some unknown local dirtbag smoking marijuana, would the sheriff launch an all-out investigation to bust said local dirtbag? Maybe!

“There’s no question that this would not have occurred the way it did if Michael Phelps was not involved,” said Harpootlian, who oversaw many drug cases as a prosecutor. “It’s silly that they’ve taken eight kids and arrested them like this. I don’t think it’s a valid use of very limited law enforcement resources.”

Last year he got an armored personnel carrier with a turret-mounted, belt-fed 50 cal. machine gun. Lott calls it “The Peacemaker.”

Thank God, in this age of Obama and the End of Morals, we have a true champion of virtue. Next you can hunt down this girl for wasting precious buds for a YouTube video. For Obama, of course:

Posted By: Robert

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Last taxpayer to leave California… please turn out the lights

“I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever. And when they get in, I’m back on the street! With all of my criminal buddies! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!” -Sideshow Bob

Hey, Obama is president now. Let’s release 58,000 criminals from prisons!

Actually, this article says California’s prison system could reduce the number over several years by not admitting new prisoners, so the population would fall by attrition. Soooo…people who should be going to prison will be allowed to stay on the street. And I don’t want to hear about the poor prisoners’ rights. These guys are behind bars for a good reason (Usually). I’ve watched MSNBC’s “Lock-up”:

California is fucked, has been fucked and will continue to be fucked.

I do, however, miss In-N-Out Burger.

Posted By: Robert

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Poorly Researched Superbowl/Weekend Round-Up

  • Way back in the simpler time of 1985 Bill Parcels was the first football coach to be doused in gatorade by a disgruntled player as a friendly fuck you, which prompted Gatorade to give  the coach a gift certificate for $1,000, which in today’s dollars also amounts to a fuck you.
  • Jesus was really mean to Kurt Warner, who obviously didn’t pray enough.
  • None of the republicans invited to President Obama’s Superbowl sexy party ignorantly brought racially stereotypical dishes to the Superbowl party. Their new Chairman is already paying off with the good advice!
  • And finally, Michael Phelps who has never heard of the Internet or photographs because he is a dolphin, was seen on the Internet in photographs smoking pot from a bong. A water bong, of course.

Posted By: Doug L Y

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Politico: Obama’s Pimp Hand Is Strong, But Also Molestive

  President Obama will smack you up if you’re not careful bitches, but you know he hates to be like that so just go ahead and agree with him, won’t you? In a fascinating article posted by the ever balanced Politico.com, apparent good touch/bad touch expert Andie Coller exposes what many people in the more pro-America parts of America already knew: Barack Obama is an angry black and if you disagree with him or make him mad, things will get physical.

Just ask Vice President Joe Biden, who made a joke about Chief Justice John Roberts flubbing the oath of office last week and immediately felt his boss’s disapproval, in the form of Obama’s fingers on his back

Luckily poor inferior white Vice President Joe Biden “got it immediately” and the President was not forced to begin the troublesome task of having an aid sprinkle baby powder on his right palm with which he would then smack a V.P.

But that’s not all. In a meet and greet with the White House press corp, President Obama patted one journalist so viciously that it was “audible”.

During his visit to the White House press room last week, Obama responded to a Politico reporter’s unwanted question with a verbal rebuke — and a series of shoulder pats so emphatic as to be audible

And this is not a new problem. The American people got a taste of this darker side of the President before he was even elected.

Obama’s admonishing touch can be almost as nuanced as his oratory. Take for example his infamous meeting with Joe “the Plumber” Wurzelbacher in Toledo, Ohio, last year. Joe got a friendly, encouraging slap on the side of the shoulder from Obama as he began to ask whether his company would have to pay higher taxes under Obama’s plan. But when Joe tried to interrupt Obama’s lengthy response, Obama subdued him with a gentle pat on the top of the shoulder, explaining, “I just want to answer your question.” The gesture read, “Please don’t interrupt me,” but it also said, “Hear me out, friend. [emphasis added]

When reached for comment America said that it’s really not a big deal, because President Obama would never hurt the kids, and he loves us, I know he does.Politico

 

Posted By: Doug L Y

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Down with hope! Up with dope!

Drug dealers must be clever, what with all the police trying to lock them up and other drug dealers trying to put a cap in their asses. Which brings us to heroin packets stamped with “Obama.” Give the people what they want, I say.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0123091obama1.html

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