Tag Archives: Michael Phelps

Sheriff closing in on Michael Phelps, weed fiend

Also great for tailgate parties.

Also great for tailgate parties.

Sheriff Leon Lott (see above) of Richland County, South Carolina, so far has arrested eight people who attended the party where someone photographed Phelps taking a bong hit. Lott’s department says they are going after Phelps because they don’t want to give him a pass due to his celebrity. If they received a photo of some unknown local dirtbag smoking marijuana, would the sheriff launch an all-out investigation to bust said local dirtbag? Maybe!

“There’s no question that this would not have occurred the way it did if Michael Phelps was not involved,” said Harpootlian, who oversaw many drug cases as a prosecutor. “It’s silly that they’ve taken eight kids and arrested them like this. I don’t think it’s a valid use of very limited law enforcement resources.”

Last year he got an armored personnel carrier with a turret-mounted, belt-fed 50 cal. machine gun. Lott calls it “The Peacemaker.”

Thank God, in this age of Obama and the End of Morals, we have a true champion of virtue. Next you can hunt down this girl for wasting precious buds for a YouTube video. For Obama, of course:

Posted By: Robert


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Michael Phelps Is Michael Vick With Fins Now

High dolphin Michael Phelps is still in the doghouse (boathouse?) after being photographed smoking the devil’s reefers, from a bong. One especialy delicate Washington Post reporter, Michael Wilbon, may even cry because Phelps’ weeded shenanigans are tantamount to killing weak dogs in water or with electricity, while allowing the strong ones to kill each other for fun and profit. Why does Michael Phelps hate dogs? Mr. Wilbon, as a common courtesy, kindly warned any sane readers that what he was about to post was absolutely ridiculous.

If you want to read that it’s okay to take bong hits because you’re 23 and the best swimmer in history, cast your eyes elsewhere, because that’s not going to be the position taken here.

Neat! With a fine warning like that the average reader can think to himself “oh fuck me” and hit the back button. But I must read on, for you, dear reader.

It doesn’t matter that “everybody else is doing it,” because my bet is that everybody else smoking pot at that student party at the University of South Carolina doesn’t have endorsement deals worth $100 million. They haven’t courted the concept of being a role model and selling cellphones and cereal to mothers and grandmothers and little children. I’m annoyed over reading my friend Sally Jenkins’s column justifying that Phelps “periodically needs to bust out of the confines of the pool and of his too-coy image,” because he already busted out in 2004, when he was caught drinking and driving.

Oh Sally, you dumb slut. Why do you hold rich people on teevee to the same standards as normal people? Can’t you see that you’re breaking your dear friend Michael Wilbon’s heart?

The rest of the article reads like a response to this terrible enabler Sally Jenkins’ column, which probably condones drug use, but only when having unprotected sex out of wedlock with a pre-agreement to have an abortion. Who knows! He didn’t link the story and I’m too busy looking for a pic of a nun hitting a bong. Then Mr. Wilbon, who is an expert on matters of ethics, as a sports writer, drops names and tells us how Charles Barkley, despite being “a dear friend” who has “disappeared ( I hope temporarily)” does not get a magical “pass” either.

 I love Barkley. He’s helped my career and bank account by making me editor of his last two books. I’d do almost anything for him. But he doesn’t get a pass for drinking and driving.

So, uh, while he will not issue one of these elusive “passes” he will pledge to do anything for the man, almost, because he got paid to write some books and let Barkley put his name on them. Talk about tough love. That sort of scorn must cut old Charles to the bone!

After Failure of Judgment, Phelps Shouldn’t Get a Pass [Washington Post]

Posted By: Doug L Y


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