Tag Archives: Lame Tricks

Googles April Fools Thing Is, Googles April Fools Thing

Google made fun of all of us, right  in our  America today. This sickening display of “freedom” or whatever will not go unpunished by their chief rivals, Yahoo and Ask, as they rampage the internet(s) with their invariably poigniant response to this terrible affront to their sovereignty. Our opperatives await response.

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Filed under Uh...

Rush Is Doing His Best As Leader Of The Republican Party, But Man, Those Legislators Just Cold Do Not Get It

 Poor Rush! He just can’t seem to keep his new party in line for shit! This time it’s all about how the idiot “elected” Republicans were FUCKING AGREEING with the Democrats about these fancy AIG bonuses and expressing outrage and sharpening their pitchforks right along side the peasants, or “us” as they are also known, instead of taking the natural Republican position set forth by Rush, which is, get this: “be opposite.” I know right? This is why Rush gets paid so much! Because of how he is so smart that he can look at what the Democrats are doing and be all “I think the opposite!”. The problem is, now a lot of outraged Republicans are going to be all like confused because they already acted mad about the bonuses and now their leader is saying that they are okay, which makes them look like morons. Not that they aren’t.

 

 The obvious solution is for them to start being mad that the bailout was passed to begin with and just hope no one notices that during all the yelling they turned around and started shouting in the other direction. I mean I guess so. I can’t read Rush’s mind, THANK GOD OF HOLY BIBLE FAME.

 

Split Emerging Between Conservative Media And GOP Leadership On AIG Mess [The Plum Line]

 

Posted By: Doug L Y

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Filed under Pimpin' Ain't Easy, Things That Happen In An Economic Boom

A New Liberal Will Tell You Liberal Stories Now

Les Obvious, our second favorite operative, because Amy is a girl and he is a man, will be cold joining us (me) here at Daily Suffering. And we (I) could not be more pleased. Please enjoy his malicious tom-fuckery, I know I will!

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Filed under Keeping Up With The Jones'

Hey Look At The Politico And How They Be Posting Ignorant Ass Stories All Day, Forever And Ever

This Is A Prize For "Most Hits" At Politico. Even The Boys Compete Fiercely For It.
The virgins at Politico, who are always posting without their retard helmets on, are cold at it again. I mean not again, but like, always. I guess what I mean is that they are just still at it. Yeah okay here: “The virgins at politico are still at it.”  There we go! This time they are telling gripping two page tales , in the spirit of bellwether bipartisanship, about how political connections and the potential for large incomes after leaving office get politicians sweet deals on houses and stuff, sorta.

  I don’t mean sorta in like where the story is sorta about politicians getting sweet deals, but rather , that it is sorta about politicians getting sweet deals in that all it talks about is Democrats getting them with one stupid little caveat sentence early on in the article.  Here’s how you write whatever you want about a party and then don’t take responsibility for it as an obviously partisan piece right here:

To be sure, neither Obama nor any of his appointees have been found to have acted improperly in securing mortgages or housing, and many likely have mortgage terms that will seem familiar to many average homeowners.

But in most cases the deals or housing arrangements were of a kind that are unavailable to most Americans, a happenstance that reveals more about how the political class lives than about the composition of the Obama team.

Oh Politico! Will you ever get a real actual scoop that you can bust someone out on instead of these ridiculously transparent masturbations?

 

Posted By: Doug L Y

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Filed under Talking About Shitty News

Uh…

Yeah so appearently some Hindus in India drink bull urine because it’s so good for them and their cancer and diabeetus and whatnot. So some group called the RSS, which is against western influence like Coca-cola and the evil Pepsi has decided to make the most western move ever and go Capitalist by selling people bull piss, in the can. This is quite similar to what Jimmy Dean does when it puts everything but the moo (or the oink, as it were) on a stick for backwater non-cooking retards to microwave after getting home from the Wal-mart.

Thanks to Daily Suffering sacred fluids operative “Amy” for the tip! Got a hot tip? Send it to blogslut@gmail.com !

 

They call it Mellow Yellow? [REUTERS]

 

Posted By: Doug L Y

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Filed under Uh...

Poorly Researched Weekend Round-Up

  • Illinois Senator Roland Burris, who was appointed by scandal embroiled/ousted Governor/hair-o-phile Rod Blagojevich, got all defensive about why he didn’t tell people about how he talked all day like a teenage girl on the phone to Blago’s friends about how much he liked Senatorship and how it wasn’t a lie not to tell them, by omission. He did this because the FBI is about to release tapes of him talking all day to everybody Rod Blagojevich ever met, basically.
  • Failed Republican Presidential candidate and all around wife leaving Maverick John McCain shocked the nation when he toed the Republican party line this weekend and said President Barack Obama, a Democrat, has been a huge disappointment so far. As usual, CNN does the legwork for your faithful co-editor.
  • Various witnesses remarked with ridiculous surprise at how violent plane crashes are. Then the NTSB used black boxes to back that up.
  • Our nations President, who has been black for some time now, took an Illinois lawmaker on a trip to Illinois, because it was on the way, no pressure, and the Illinois lawmaker spilled his guts about the whole deal. This is the second time a honky has burned President Obama after a trip in his pimp ass ride.
  • And finally, this is for you dear readers, to enjoy as a Valentine from the staff of Daily Suffering. It requires a great deal of hard liqour to even… Just read it please.

 

Posted By: Doug L Y

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Filed under In Brief

Venerable News Source 23/6 Will Fail Now, As If It Were Written On Paper Or Something

The ridiculous Huff-Po alter-ego 23/6, which purports to carry some of the news most of the time, will begin carrying less of the news less of the time because internet print is failing so bad.

 

 In a post titled “Our Work Here Is Done” the bellwether of hilarity posted its link fancy death rattle for everybody else without jobs to read and spend like six hours looking at all the references, because no one has ever seen them before, which is why they are closing so bad. As usual the filthy failure website that is so suck that you don’t even know how suck it is has not posted your esteemed co-editors comments, which is why he never ever went there everyday, ever. But! There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and that light is coming from Ariana Huffington’s purse, bitches. See, most people may not know this about 23/6, but its daddy was always a liberal abortion loving liberal whore donkey that totally gave it everything it ever wanted, including its own URL to show the other fancy comedy satire sites how original and funny it was. That’s right, I said liberal twice and there’s nothing you can do about it, but I digress. So. It’s like gone but its not really all the way gone, which is cool because that means we can continue to ignore it now without getting all existential and other fancy college descriptions of how you can ignore something that no longer exists. Daily Suffering, on the other hand, is straight sitting in the cut because neither myself nor my co-editor at large “Robert” get paid to present you fine people with the funny, on a semi-daily basis. So heres to you 23/6, thanks for thinning the herd, failures!

 

Our Work Here Is Done [23/6]

 

Posted By: Doug L Y

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Filed under Things That Happen In An Economic Boom