Author Archives: dailysuffering

A New Liberal Will Tell You Liberal Stories Now

Les Obvious, our second favorite operative, because Amy is a girl and he is a man, will be cold joining us (me) here at Daily Suffering. And we (I) could not be more pleased. Please enjoy his malicious tom-fuckery, I know I will!

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End of transmission (from me, at least)

I wanted to see what it was like to maintain a blog like this. It’s a lot of work! I have a real job and it is in danger because the economy sucks. And then I have free time which I value greatly. I could be working on this blog, but I prefer to smoke lots of weed. Cheerios, kids! If anybody else wants to take this over, feel free. Doug has the password. Thanks for dropping by while I fooled with this thingie. And my greatest admiration to the Wonkette crew for bringing the funny 87 percent of the time. yay!

Posted By: Robert J.M.

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Earth, Wind & Fire at the WH this weekend!

Just heard it on Rachel Maddow. As she said, this ain’t the Bush White House anymore. I’m Dolemite muthafucka!

Posted By: Robert

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Happy Birthday Simpsons Cartoon Guy!

Yum, Marge.

Yum, Marge.

Today is Matt Groening’s birthday. I decided to dig around The Simpsons Quotes web site for my Top 10 favorite Simpsons quotes. Feel free to suggest better ones.

Mr. Burns: I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

Homer: When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power … like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.

Homer: You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.

Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I’m proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out.

Superintendent Chalmers: I’ve had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children…

Comic Book Guy: Last night’s ‘Itchy and Scratchy Show’ was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.

Comic Book Guy: The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… .

Homer: I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!

Marge: You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done.

Kent Brockman: I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: democracy just doesn’t work.

Posted By: Robert

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Sheriff closing in on Michael Phelps, weed fiend

Also great for tailgate parties.

Also great for tailgate parties.

Sheriff Leon Lott (see above) of Richland County, South Carolina, so far has arrested eight people who attended the party where someone photographed Phelps taking a bong hit. Lott’s department says they are going after Phelps because they don’t want to give him a pass due to his celebrity. If they received a photo of some unknown local dirtbag smoking marijuana, would the sheriff launch an all-out investigation to bust said local dirtbag? Maybe!

“There’s no question that this would not have occurred the way it did if Michael Phelps was not involved,” said Harpootlian, who oversaw many drug cases as a prosecutor. “It’s silly that they’ve taken eight kids and arrested them like this. I don’t think it’s a valid use of very limited law enforcement resources.”

Last year he got an armored personnel carrier with a turret-mounted, belt-fed 50 cal. machine gun. Lott calls it “The Peacemaker.”

Thank God, in this age of Obama and the End of Morals, we have a true champion of virtue. Next you can hunt down this girl for wasting precious buds for a YouTube video. For Obama, of course:

Posted By: Robert

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Last taxpayer to leave California… please turn out the lights

“I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever. And when they get in, I’m back on the street! With all of my criminal buddies! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!” -Sideshow Bob

Hey, Obama is president now. Let’s release 58,000 criminals from prisons!

Actually, this article says California’s prison system could reduce the number over several years by not admitting new prisoners, so the population would fall by attrition. Soooo…people who should be going to prison will be allowed to stay on the street. And I don’t want to hear about the poor prisoners’ rights. These guys are behind bars for a good reason (Usually). I’ve watched MSNBC’s “Lock-up”:

California is fucked, has been fucked and will continue to be fucked.

I do, however, miss In-N-Out Burger.

Posted By: Robert

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Stains!


I can’t get enough of Stains, the dramatic cupcake dog.

Neither can the rest of the Interwebs:

Posted By: Robert

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