Michael Phelps Is Michael Vick With Fins Now

High dolphin Michael Phelps is still in the doghouse (boathouse?) after being photographed smoking the devil’s reefers, from a bong. One especialy delicate Washington Post reporter, Michael Wilbon, may even cry because Phelps’ weeded shenanigans are tantamount to killing weak dogs in water or with electricity, while allowing the strong ones to kill each other for fun and profit. Why does Michael Phelps hate dogs? Mr. Wilbon, as a common courtesy, kindly warned any sane readers that what he was about to post was absolutely ridiculous.

If you want to read that it’s okay to take bong hits because you’re 23 and the best swimmer in history, cast your eyes elsewhere, because that’s not going to be the position taken here.

Neat! With a fine warning like that the average reader can think to himself “oh fuck me” and hit the back button. But I must read on, for you, dear reader.

It doesn’t matter that “everybody else is doing it,” because my bet is that everybody else smoking pot at that student party at the University of South Carolina doesn’t have endorsement deals worth $100 million. They haven’t courted the concept of being a role model and selling cellphones and cereal to mothers and grandmothers and little children. I’m annoyed over reading my friend Sally Jenkins’s column justifying that Phelps “periodically needs to bust out of the confines of the pool and of his too-coy image,” because he already busted out in 2004, when he was caught drinking and driving.

Oh Sally, you dumb slut. Why do you hold rich people on teevee to the same standards as normal people? Can’t you see that you’re breaking your dear friend Michael Wilbon’s heart?

The rest of the article reads like a response to this terrible enabler Sally Jenkins’ column, which probably condones drug use, but only when having unprotected sex out of wedlock with a pre-agreement to have an abortion. Who knows! He didn’t link the story and I’m too busy looking for a pic of a nun hitting a bong. Then Mr. Wilbon, who is an expert on matters of ethics, as a sports writer, drops names and tells us how Charles Barkley, despite being “a dear friend” who has “disappeared ( I hope temporarily)” does not get a magical “pass” either.

 I love Barkley. He’s helped my career and bank account by making me editor of his last two books. I’d do almost anything for him. But he doesn’t get a pass for drinking and driving.

So, uh, while he will not issue one of these elusive “passes” he will pledge to do anything for the man, almost, because he got paid to write some books and let Barkley put his name on them. Talk about tough love. That sort of scorn must cut old Charles to the bone!

After Failure of Judgment, Phelps Shouldn’t Get a Pass [Washington Post]

Posted By: Doug L Y

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4 Comments

Filed under Ethics and Assholes

4 responses to “Michael Phelps Is Michael Vick With Fins Now

  1. pureathletes

    Who should our young athletes look up to? What are parents teaching their children about drugs in general, and performance-enhancing drugs?

    I was an Olympic and world-class athlete that is currently educating parents and young athletes about the ‘untold and dark secrets’ about performance-enhancing drugs.

  2. Marijuana might be a “performance-enhancing drug” in the sport of, say Eat As Much Nutritionally-Vacant Food As Possible Before Napping.

    But, I think the take-away here is that Americans love someone they can flog, they love to beat down someone who has achieved more than ought to be legal.

    I think the article’s inanity is in the notion that somehow, only good people don’t partake of the dutchie.

    I think the better lesson we can teach our children is that everybody makes mistakes; they are rarely fatal, and they are almost always recovered from.

    Oh, and that the dutchie should always be passed to the left-hand side.

  3. PS: The sort of parent who lets strangers teach their children about drugs are what I like to call “assholes.”

  4. roorsmoker

    While I agree with the other posters, I think it is rediculous the amount of exposure this is getting.

    Sure, celebrities should be more conscious of what image they are sending, but this is a little ridiculous.

    For more information on this check out http://roorbongs.net

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